


I Bloom Just For You

by SilverySparks



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, But also, Crack, Crangst, Hanahaki Disease, Other, Temporarily Unrequited Love, actually I have no idea what the fuck this is either, knife shoes appreciation society, kuyashii Yuzuru, so I have the dubious honour of introducing you to the new genre, so this is, um, working title: Crangstahaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 22:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14628749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverySparks/pseuds/SilverySparks
Summary: Yuzu loves the quad sal, but the quad sal doesn’t love him… which turns into a problem when Yuzu starts coughing up flowers.





	1. Take A Trip Into My Garden

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t even ask. I don’t know either.
> 
> (In case Troye ever reads this, I’d like to formally apologise for the titles. I just... it had to be done.)

Yuzuru had had a rather frustrating two months. First, he’d come to Canada to learn the quad salchow only to find out that he wasn’t allowed to practise said salchow. Then, he’d developed a cough and what he had first thought to be his asthma reacting to the colder climate had quickly turned into coughing up blood and, of all the things in this world, flower petals. That was why he now found himself sitting in the office of a doctor whose name he didn’t know since he’d been busy coughing when she introduced herself, and being told that he had something called _hanahaki disease_.

Yuzu had read his share of cheesy romance mangas, he knew that it was a _thing_ and that it was caused by unrequited love. But that didn’t mean he was not surprised, or particularly pleased, to find out that a plant had taken root inside his chest and was going to suffocate him soon, unless the object of his affection loved him back or he submitted himself to a risky surgery that would make him forget everything about the person he apparently loved.

While Yuzu was quietly displeased, Brian had visible difficulties wrapping his head around the concept. “There is… a _tree_ … growing inside my boy’s chest?” he asked, very slowly. The doctor nodded. “And it can only be cured when Yuzu finds his true love?” The doctor nodded again. Brian stared.

“I’d recommend not leaving your mouth open for too long, or a stray seed might get into your lungs as well,” she advised with a twinkle of amusement in her eyes. Brian flinched and closed his mouth with an audible snap.

“So, Yuzu,” he said, once he had regained his composure, “who exactly do you have to seduce now?”

Yuzu looked at him, then at the doctor, and shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I don’t  spend a lot of time with people. I only skate.”

Brian ran his hand through his remaining hair. “How can you love someone enough to make a damn plant grow in your chest and not be aware of it?” he asked. Yuzu shrugged again. He didn’t fucking know, it wasn’t like he had chosen this for himself. The doctor saved him.

“It’s actually very common for love that powerful to grow very slowly over a long time, and therefore not be noticed by the patient,” she said diplomatically. “Fortunately, the flower is usually in some way connected to the patient’s true love. So if you want to find out who it is, I recommend identifying just what species of tree Mr. Hanyu is currently growing.” She gave Brian the contact details of a botanist who had experience with hanahaki and made Yuzuru promise to call when things got worse.

The botanist was a petite Japanese lady who only had to take one short look at the blossom Yuzu handed her to say, “Ah!” But then she frowned. “It can’t be. As a hanahaki flower? …Let me just confirm this, I’ll be right back,” she said, and disappeared into a back room. Yuzu and Brian exchanged wary glances. But the botanist was already returning, a slightly confused smile on her face. “It seems I was right,” she said. “This is a flower from _Shorea robusta_ , also known as sakhua, shala or sal tree. What’s unusual about this is the fact that it seems to have grown with only four petals instead of the usual six. _Shorea robusta_ has spiritual significance in Buddhism and is commonly used as a timber tree in…”  

Yuzu wasn’t listening. A four-petaled sal flower… oh god. Yuzu gasped, and both Brian and the botanist looked at him. “Brian,” Yuzu said in a voice that was tense, but full of conviction, “I have to learn quad sal.” He could see the information computing behind his coach’s receding hairline, and he could tell it had registered when Brian said, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

“Couldn’t you just have run off with your massage therapist or caused a scandal with Javi or something? Trust you to literally fall in love with skating. And why the quad sal, of all elements? Why not your flashy hydroblade or a pretty spin or something?”

“Could have been quad axel, would have been worse,” Yuzu said, unimpressed. He was more than a little smug. Now Brian _had_ to let him train the salchow. “So,” he asked nonchalantly, once Brian had finished ranting about the ridiculousness of it all, “when’s my first jumping practice?” Brian scowled.

 

“That is certainly… unusual,” the doctor said when Yuzu explained who, or rather what, he was in love with. “How… a jump isn’t even a material object? How does that even work?” She looked to Brian as if hoping he could explain how Yuzu’s mind worked, but he just shrugged at her. He’d already given up on that front. “Well,” the doctor said, pulling herself together, “while that probably makes the _returning the love_ part a lot harder if not impossible, the fact that the sa- this jump isn’t a person greatly reduces the consequences of the post-surgical memory loss, which also makes things easier in a way.” She looked at Yuzu. “We can schedule the surgery for next week and you’ll be ready to return to training in a month’s time, without a tree in your chest.”

Yuzu shook his head decidedly. “No. No surgery.”

“Hang on a minute,” Brian said. “Surgery? Are you telling me there is a surgery that could just get rid of this thing?”

“No,” Yuzu said quickly, desperate to make him see that it wasn’t that easy. “Brian, with surgery, I forget everything. Never jump quad sal again, ever.”

“You’ll never jump anything again when you die because of that plant inside of you!” Brian countered. “You don’t even need the quad sal!”

“Yes, I do!” Yuzu protested.

“There are other quads you can learn!”

“Yuzuru Hanyu jumps _all_ quads,” Yuzu informed his coach, fire blazing in his eyes and clear finality in his voice. “My body, I decide. No surgery.”

Brian glared at him for a moment, fuming silently but at a loss for words. Finally, he stormed out of the room. The doctor looked at Yuzu with sad eyes. “Are you sure a jump is worth dying for?” she asked quietly. Yuzu met her gaze. “I don’t die,” he said darkly. “I learn jump.”

With this statement, Yuzu declared war on the salchow.


	2. True Love Is Violent - Sal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter kind of just… happened. Oops. For some reason I never thought I’d find myself writing crangst in first person from a jump’s POV while listening to German drunk party music at 3am but here we are.
> 
> (I know you hate first person, but this is just a short interlude and first person fits it so much better than third person I promise, please bear with me.)

My life changed the moment he saw me.

I was with Javi at the time, a close friend I felt comfortable around. I could feel his eyes boring into me as soon as Javi took my hand and led me into the entry steps, and they didn’t leave me until I had done my part and stepped silently off the ice. It would have been fine if he had left it at that. But it happened again. And again. Every competition I went to, every time Javi took me to dance, his gaze grew stronger, darker, hungrier. I was used to being watched with critical eyes, with contempt, admiration and jealousy. But I had never seen anyone look at me the way Yuzuru Hanyu did.

You can imagine my shock when one day, out of the blue, that same Yuzuru Hanyu walked into TCC where I was training with Javi, determination written on every inch of his skin. His eyes found me immediately and I stepped back to hide behind Javi, making us both stumble. Hanyu didn’t seem to care. “I want Sal,” he told Brian, dark eyes daring him to refuse.

For the first time, I feared him.

Brian seemed to see it, at least he kept Hanyu away from me for a while, which I was grateful for. But I could still feel his eyes in practice, and more and more off the ice as well. Even when he was out of sight, I knew his thoughts were focused on me, circling around me like a panther on the prowl. He wanted me with every fibre of his being. My fibres, however, were getting more frightened every day.

Finally, Brian allowed him to train with me. I didn’t want to. When he was scheduled for jump training, I hid in the darkest corners and wouldn’t come out. And when I did, I was stiff and scared, and we’d fall and fall and fall. Hanyu did not like falling. It made him frustrated and angry and even more determined, which made me even more fearful. It was a nightmare.

One night, things got especially bad. We were in Sendai, without Brian there to divert Hanyu’s attention. It was 2am. He grabbed my arm and we jumped. We fell, he got us up. We hurt our ankle, he made us go on. He collapsed in coughing fits, but we went on, for hours, until eventually, he couldn’t anymore. He knelt on the ice, tears streaming down his face, his sleeve stained with blood and flowers from the tree that bears my name. He looked into my eyes as I was standing in front of him, close enough to hear but too far to touch, and whispered, “ _Please_ …”

For the first time, I pitied him.

Tears were pooling in my eyes too, I was hurting all over and simply too tired to be afraid. I wanted to take his hand, to make it easy for him just once, but it was impossible. I was so exhausted, my ankle hurt in a way that suggested a sprain, it was taking all my strength not to collapse onto the ice. And I could still see the drive shining through the tears in his eyes, the obsession that made him train through pain and injury to _have me_. I wasn’t ready.

All I could do was take a step away from his crumpled form, shake my head mutely, and flee, leaving him and his flowers behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am telling two very different stories here, oh boy.


	3. Begging Just To Know Ya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this universe Jun-hwan has always been a prodigy training at TCC and speaks perfect English because his parents moved to Toronto when he was little, and Yuzu is closer to him than the other kids because… well, it’s Jun-hwan, it’s impossible not to love him. okay? okay.  
> Oh. He’s also a tumblr kid.

Yuzu had anticipated that his team would not quite know how to deal with his illness. He had expected questions, awkwardness, mumbled expressions of condolences. What he had definitely _not_ expected was dating advice.  

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you want to murder this jump, not marry her,” Javi told him after a particularly rough jumping practice that had left Yuzu with several fresh bruises. “Maybe you should slack off a bit. Give her space.”

Yuzu stared at him blankly. “It’s a jump. Not a girl.”

“Yes, yes,” Javi conceded. “But jumps are like girls in a way. They want to be flattered and courted, not overrun and beaten into shape. Don’t push her; offer your hand and dance with her. Be gentle, treat her well, and she’ll be yours in no time.”

Yuzu raised his eyebrows. “Are you drunk again?”

Javi gave him a brotherly pat. “Not yet, my friend, not yet. Maybe you’re a little too young to understand. Don’t worry about it; you’ll learn eventually.” He turned around and left, a very confused Yuzu staring after him.

That was nothing compared to Ghislain, however.

“Here, I got this for you.” The jumping coach held up a book. Yuzu squinted to read the title.

“ _The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society Of Pickup Artists._ ” He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Why everyone assumes that salchow is a girl?”

“It might be! Maybe your quad salchow is a she-jump.”

“I’m gay.”

“I don’t think sexual orientation is applicable to jumps. You aren’t sexually attracted to salchows, are you?” He looked at Yuzu.

Yuzu looked back.

“Well,” Ghislain said. “I shouldn’t have asked. I really shouldn’t have asked.”

Yuzu was still staring at him. He hadn’t really understood the coach’s question, but he had the distinct feeling that it was for the best. “Just teach me the salchow,” he said flatly. “Not dating. Just jump.”

Ghislain blushed. “Right. I’m sorry. It’s just another jump. You’re right of course.”

Yuzu had intended to spare little Jun-hwan from the knowledge that his senpai had a deadly disease, but unfortunately the kid was way too observant for his own good.

“Why is everyone so weird around you lately?” he asked while Yuzu was doing stretches. “And what’s up with that weird cough of yours? It doesn’t sound like your asthma.”

Yuzu sighed. How did you explain to an 11-year-old that you were dying of a tree in your chest? Yuzu opted for being vague. “I have hanahaki illness,” he said carefully.

“Oh, the plant thing,” Jun-hwan said without looking up from his phone. “I told you all those houseplants you killed would take revenge someday.”

Yuzu huffed. “I not kill plants, plants die all alone!” he said indignantly, but couldn’t help rolling his eyes at the irony. Of course the only plant he managed to keep alive was the one that was killing him.

“Sooooo,” Jun-hwan said with an impish grin, actually looking at Yuzu for the first time during their conversation, “Yuzu is in looooooove. Is it Javi?”

Yuzu blinked. “What?”

“Is Javi the one you- oh no that can’t be, that wouldn’t be unrequited. Everyone knows he’s in love with you. Hm.” He squinted as he tried to think of who else Yuzu’s true love might be.

Yuzu’s brain hadn’t quite caught up yet. “Javi – what?”

Jun-hwan’s expression turned from puzzled to pitying. “Oh, honey,” he said dramatically. “You didn’t know?”

Yuzu didn’t know how to feel. Eventually, he settled for exasperation. “You’re 11,” he told the child sternly. “You not supposed to have love in mind at all.”

Jun-hwan stuck his tongue out at him. “I’m not the one who’s dying because of it,” he said and stood up to look down at Yuzu on his mat. “I hope you don’t die,” he informed him. “I need you to stay alive and realise your love for Javi after you’ve gotten over whoever your hanahaki person is.” With that, he skipped cheerfully out of the gym.

Tracy took the news best, or at least Yuzu thought so until she discreetly beckoned him into her office.

“Right,” she said once he’d sat down. “I don’t know how these things are handled in Japan, and to what extent this is actually applicable to your situation, but I do know that you’ve never been in a relationship before and I thought it’s better to be safe than sorry.” She took a deep breath. “You see, when two people love each other very much…”

Yuzu banged his head on the desk and silently committed himself to his fate. He knew the fact that he was potentially dying was taking a toll on his team. If lecturing him about safe sex eased their minds, well. He’d let them have it.

When he got home, Yuzu did what he always did when he needed a break from weird westerners: He called Shoma.

“It feels like everyone else is growing plants in their brains,” he complained, once Shoma had expressed shock and concern at Yuzu’s illness like a normal person. “They keep insisting that I treat the quad sal like a person just because I’m in love with it. But I just want to practice it like any other jump, not take it out for dinner and then make love to it."

Shoma choked on his tea. “They want you to have sex with the salchow?”

“I have no idea what they want,” Yuzu sighed. There was a pause.

“What makes the salchow different for you?” Shoma asked eventually. “There has to be a reason why you’re in love with it and not the others.”

Yuzu considered this. “I think I’m a little bit in love with everything in skating,” he said. “I just love the quad salchow more. At first it was just because I wanted a second quad so badly, but now I love it for its own sake. It’s just beautiful, you know? The curves both blades trace on the ice before take-off, the unique leg position… I don’t know. Maybe the only difference between the salchow and the rest of skating is just that the salchow doesn’t love me back, the stupid thing.”

“How rude,” Shoma said. “A jump that doesn’t swoon at the sight of famed skating prodigy Hanyu Yuzuru.” He winked. “Maybe you need to make it jealous.”

Yuzu reached out to slap him instinctively and ended up with a greasy handprint on his laptop screen. “Not you, too,” he whined.

Shoma snickered, but then became serious. “I mean it though,” he said. “You probably wouldn’t know since you pick up new jumps faster than your coach can stop you, but I always need ages to learn jumps, and I can tell you from experience that just practicing that one jump for hours every day isn’t going to work. You’re just gonna pick up bad habits that’ll make landing it even harder. Give it a break, practice your skating skills, and it’s gonna come around eventually.”

Yuzu looked at him and chewed on his lip. “Do you really think so?”

“Yeah!” Shoma said with the confidence of a teenager who thinks he knows what he’s talking about. “You’re _Hanyu Yuzuru_. Nobody can resist you for long.”

Yuzu cocked his head and grinned. “True,” he said, with the confidence of a teenager who has grown up reaching for the moon and the stars only. “Thank you, Shoma.”

“Good luck, Yuzu.” Shoma yawned. “Please don’t die.”

“I’ll try,” Yuzu said drily. “Good night, Shoma.”

“Yuzu?”

“Hmm?”

“How does an entire tree fit in your chest? Is it like a bonsai?”

“Good night, Shoma.” He closed the laptop. His phone buzzed with a message.

**puppy** **▽・** **ω** **・▽** : what if the 4s is aromantic?

**You** : what

**puppy** **▽・** **ω** **・▽** : aromantic. a person who doesn’t feel romantic attraction. it’s not as rare as people think

**You** : then I’ll die I guess

**You** : go to sleep Shoma


	4. Hold My Hand If I Get Scared Now - Sal

I couldn’t pinpoint the day it started, but slowly, Hanyu changed. 

First, he stopped calling me as often. On Brian’s orders, he did less jump training and focused more on choreography work and skating skills, grudgingly at first, but more and more willingly when he started to see the results in his program run-throughs. I could feel the weight of his undivided attention being lifted off me for short stretches of time, and relished in the freedom that rushed through my veins during those moments.

Second, he stopped forcing me to dance. When he called, his voice was inviting rather than commanding, and when I refused, he let me be when before he’d have dragged me from whatever corner I’d hidden in and pulled me around the rink until we were both covered in bruises. I didn’t feel like I had to run from him anymore.

Once hiding was no longer necessary, I spent more time around the rink to watch him practice. I found out that I was by no means the only one he attacked with terrifying intensity; he was determined and ambitious in everything he did. His obsession with me seemed to be unusually strong, but it still eased my mind to know that I hadn’t been singled out on purpose; this was just the way he was. 

Even more importantly, I noticed how respectfully he treated his skating elements. Every edge was held clearly and carefully, every turn skated with smooth precision, every take-off approached with gentle dedication. Each move he made sang of his love for the ice. With him, skating looked more effortless than breathing, and something about watching him made me want to join in, dance and fly across the rink beside him. 

Finally, I stepped onto the ice to meet him without fear, took his hand and followed him without hesitation. For the first time, I trusted him. 

With the reluctance and stiffness gone from my limbs, dancing with him was an entirely new experience. It took some conscious effort to stop resisting his firm hands that knew exactly where they wanted me, but I knew now that he knew what he was doing and if I followed his directions, I’d be fine. Once he realised that I wasn’t going to fight him anymore, his grip became a lot gentler, and I got to experience the pure pleasure of flying with Yuzuru Hanyu. 

Jumping with him was different than anything I’d ever felt before. It was in the way he moved. The way he approached each jump with his full care and attention, be it the first or the fiftieth of the day. Even when a successful landing became the norm rather than the exception, he never let his motions become sloppy or mechanic; he treated each attempt as if it were entirely unique. He discovered things about me that no other skater had ever even thought about, and brought out sides of me I didn’t even know I had. He made me feel light and free, like an equal rather than someone to be owned.

For the first time, I loved him.


	5. Dancing With The Tree(s)

Yuzu was in jumping practice when something _clicked_. Finally, he felt that confidence and control that had eluded him for so long snap into place, and it was wonderful. One jump after the other turned out perfect. And with each one, Yuzu could feel the pressure on his lungs reducing. He felt _free_. “Brian!” he called, spreading his arms wide and twirling with joy. “I think the plant is go- ACHOO!” He sneezed, and blinked at the cloud of pale red glitter that had escaped his nostrils.

“Oh great,” Brian said with an air of resignation. “He’s sneezing glitter. Please tell me that’s not another deadly disease.”

“Maybe that’s just his inner unicorn being happy,” Javi said comfortingly.

Brian’s head snapped around. “There’s a _unicorn_ growing inside of him?”

Tracy snorted and shook her head. “This is what happens when the love is returned,” she said with a warm smile. “The plant dissolves into glitter. He might find himself sneezing it out for the next few days, but then he’ll be fine.”

Brian and Javi stared at her. “How do you know?” Brian asked.

“I informed myself on the disease a skater under my protection is suffering from, of course!” Tracy said indignantly. “Why didn’t you know, Coach Orser?” Brian raised an eyebrow and Tracy deflated. “Cheesy romance mangas,” she admitted. “They’re a guilty pleasure of mine.” Brian rolled his eyes.

Javi slipped between them and placed an arm around each of their shoulders. “Personally, I think it’s time we took Yuzu’s new girlfriend out for dinner,” he said, “and drink to a long-lasting relationship.

“Without any accidents or injuries,” Brian added, sighing. “Yes, I suppose we’d better drink to that. Yuzu? Yuzu!” But Yuzu was far too engrossed in his skating to hear his coach shouting for him. “He’s gonna overwork himself again, I know it,” Brian grumbled and sighed.

“Oh, young love,” Tracy said wistfully. “Just leave them to it for now. We can go without him.”

Brian looked sceptical, but Javi was all for it. “Excellent idea,” he said. “Yuzu’s too young to drink anyway.”

Brian still wasn’t convinced. “Maybe I should sta-“

“I just reeeaaally want to get drunk,” Javi interrupted him loudly. “I’ll be sooo hungover tomorrow. Training is gonna suffer so bad.”

Brian shot him a withering glance. “Don’t think I don’t know you’re just saying this to get me to come along.”

Javi grinned. “Don’t think I won’t be perfectly happy to carry out my threat if you don’t.”

“Ugh, fine,” Brian said. He threw Yuzu one last glance. “Christ, that kid is _whipped_.”

“Yep, he is,” Javi said fondly.

“They are lovely together,” Tracy cooed.

The three of them smiled at each other, and went to get that drink.


End file.
